Relapse Prevention

People who have damaged emotions may not be able to deal with or even talk about these emotions. The first step in recovery is to sort out our negative emotions so we can work through the process that will enable us to be an overcomer. It has been my experience that people who do not work through low self esteem, anger, guilt, and/or unforgiveness are more likely to relapse.

I have had people tell me that when shame, guilt, and hopelessness bind them, it is too painful to talk about. I told them that if they do not talk about it, their recovery will be limited. As the author and counselor Terence T. Gorski said, "There will be times you will be emotionally lazy and unproductive as a person." Some people who want recovery believe it is better to hide behind the wall of damaged emotions. I have seen many people fall into relapse because of their lack of action in their personal recovery program.

Denial of Relapse Signs

Some people ignore the signs of relapse. Some people feel they always fail at everything they have tried or their issues are so deep that they can no longer feel their negative emotions; they may not have felt them for many years. As one teacher puts it, "you can not heal until you feel." When I work with clients and I tell them to read a book or listen to a tape that would be helpful and they tell me that they don't have the time, then I feel they do not want to invest into their personal recovery. With new information, there is an opportunity to make new choices. We must choose life if we want to live.

Some people say, "I'll never take another drink." This is a form of denial. People who say this are trying to be a lone ranger, while in a relapse condition. When people do this they are playing God with their recovery. AA says, "we need each other; no man is an island to himself."

People exhibiting compulsive behavior can not function in social or work relationships. They are very uptight with themselves, have never dealt with their anger, or may not have been able to resolve personal issues of conflict. People need to learn how to function in the real world. I believe this is one of the reasons people relapse today. We need to stand back and take a second look at conflict before we take action. When we act impulsively in our decision making, we only dig ourselves a deeper hole. Then we need to call a tow truck to pull us out of the ditch we are in. There is more to your recovery than just stopping your drug use or drinking. Just because you stop using drugs or start attending AA meetings, does not mean you are in recovery. We must deal with the whole person. If you do not, you will pay the cost to be the boss. If we do not have a plan, relapse will take place, like it or not.

Tunnel Vision

We need to see the whole picture of recovery, not just one or two parts. We need to look at all parts of our life that have been damaged because of our drug and/or alcohol abuse. Every area needs to be restored. If we are going to live healthy lives, we must address all personal issues in order to become an overcomer. When you make plans for recovery, they need to be real so that you can walk it out every day, one day at a time. Sometimes we set our goals too high and when they don't come to pass we want to give up and say it's not worth it. This is why it's very important to set small goals and learn how to grow slowly, so we can stand on our own. Rome was not built in one day. When we try too run too fast in recovery, relapse is bound to happen. This is why we need other people in our lives for a system of checks and balances.

Personal Story of Bob McKigney

I was thirty-one years old when I started my recovery. I was drinking a half a gallon of alcohol a day previous to this. During the first two years of my recovery, it was very difficult to stay clean and sober. At that time I was never told about relapse, or very much about relationship skills, as I know them today. I now have twenty-three years of recovery. I thank God for my clean time. A group called "Kings Kids" played a major role in my recovery. My sponsor was the leader of that group. I also became friends with a lot of the people there. I believe that group was a lifesaver to my recovery and me. Relationship skills are very important to my recovery and me today. Another important part of my recovery is reading books, listening to tapes, and other related materials. This has given me strength and hope to work my program. I believe and now know God is a big part of my everyday recovery process. The Bible teaches in John 16:13 that "He will guide us into all truth"... This means that we have to ask Him to be part of our personal affairs. In Proverbs 3:5-8 it states "Do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths... " This means we must seek God's direction each day for His will in our lives. As I do this, the peace of God restores me in right relationship with Him. As we seek God's direction, He is faithful to restore us to his glory. As I worked the steps to my recovery, healing came. My personal recovery issues are alcoholism, reading disability, drugs, sexual addiction, and homelessness.

Middle Stage Recovery

Middle stage recovery should allow you to be a self-starter in your recovery program. This does not mean there is no need to talk to another person about your recovery. It is healing at times. We also need to work on relationships. This is part of recovery. If you do not have healthy relationships going at this time, you have a missing link that could make you relapse. Your self-esteem and conflict resolving skills should be getting better. People that do not have these skills are not in full recovery. They are in danger. The people I have seen relapse after being in two or three programs have failed to address emotional issues and relationships. They also need stress management skills. If they do not have skills in this area, it will get the best of them and they will relapse. There must be goals set in all the areas of recovery that Gorski named in his book. This is a balanced view of a recovery plan. I find a lot of people who do not put a lot of work into their recovery tend to relapse.

Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms

When a person starts recovery, they are very unstable in their thinking, overreact, and their problem solving skills are not up to date. They have memory problems. This is bio-psycho-social syndrome. As they move into recovery, their emotional issues come alive and they meet their pain head on. This is where the real test takes place. It is very important to go to a doctor and get a medical check-up to stay on top of medical issues at hand. At this time you need to be in a good support group and be accountable to other people. It would be very easy to relapse while in this space. Your personal recovery group should be an important part of your recovery. The group will keep you in check and balance. We have to deal with all of our issues that damaged because of our drug and or alcohol abuse. There is healing with time. With new information, I can make new choices.

Family Involvement in Relapse Prevention

When working with a client that is in a relapse prevention group that is about to come to an end, one must bring the family into the treatment program. You can not treat one and not the other because the spouse will have her issues because you can not live with a drug and or alcohol abuser and not be affected by it. Therefore there must be family counseling if there is going to be unity in the family. You can not treat the addict and then throw him or her into the lion's den and expect him or her to stay clean.

Relapse Prevention Developmental Plan for Every Day Living

The first step of recovery is to know and admit that you have an addiction you can not control yourself. You must receive education regarding your addiction and know there are no short cuts to a productive recovery program that you can live by. You must take one step at a time. You must address every part of your life. If you do not, relapse is just a matter of time. This person must know that using alcohol and or drugs is not an option to him, total abstinence is necessary to walk through a healthy, recovery program. They need to take steps to gain stabilization in their personal recovery and learn how to take small tasks and finish them so they can grow in their recovery. Then when they are challenged they can respond to the task at hand. If we don't win the small ones, how are we going to win the big ones? If we can not do so we need counseling or education relating to these issues, so we can put it behind us. We also need to network with people, so we have a check and balance system.

Christians Are Not Exempt from Relapse

Christians are not exempt from relapse, whatever it may be. One reason this happens is they do not have a personal care for their life. People have to deal with the issues that got them into their addiction in the first place. See Psalms 145:18 and Isaiah 30:1-5. There will be healing as we are pursuing personal recovery. I am not talking about a quick fix. Some people think all they have to do is go to church, get saved, and all their issues go out the door. That is not true! Please do not misunderstand me, I do believe in freedom from addiction in the Blood of Christ.

Psalms 107:19-20, 147:3
Ephesians 3:20

Let me tell you of a person I counsel that could quote you every verse to do with the blood, how his sins were washed away, and "call those things that are not as though they were". In his head he believed that they were true, but it was all head knowledge not in his heart. As he was falling into the same rut of sexual addiction and could not figure out why, he could not get past his stinking thinking. Past sexual abuse issues also hid a broken heart, that only God in His love could heal. Today this person still struggles with issues, but the Word of God is now in his heart and he knows HEALING IS ONE STEP AT A TIME with God's help.

Are you working the steps to your recovery?